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Thought I’d be kind enough to let you know I’ve moved my blog. I’ve decided to switch over to tumblr for various reasons. So, if it suits your fancy, meander on over to http://aehumphrey.tumblr.com/ (you can even bookmark it if you feel so inclined!). There’s always the chance that I’ll end up back on WordPress… so I’m not saying goodbye forever. I’m bad at goodbyes anyway.

Just wanted to share some lyrics from three artists that have been getting a lot of my air time lately… Audrey Assad, Alli Rogers, and Matt Papa.–Plug: Matt Papa is the worship leader at Summit Church’s new North Raleigh campus. If you’re in the vicinity you should come check it out.

[Audrey]

Your love is steady and sure as the mountains high. Moving my heart like a river that gently bends, Your love is sure. Your love is wide open spaces where I can run. And it may not be clear as the morning yet, it may not be wide as a restless sea but love given freely becomes what it ought to be. Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to and hearts given freely become what they ought to…

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
‘Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart, and I’m restless till I rest in You

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere. It’s You I’m chasing after ’cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move. I’ll follow You forever.

[Alli]

It’s more of a choice than a feeling. More of a wound than healing. Oh, the act of believing in You. And I guess I need to choose, but today I am confused and losing ground. Maybe this is where I grow, when I admit that I don’t know…
When belief becomes the only way to You.

Well I’m a river’s flow, some days I’m fast, some days I’m slow… Some days I fill the edges, then I’m shallow and pretentious, it all depends upon the rain I got that night. Well, I should never base my faith upon my sight.

What can we carry? What will stay with us?
What will shine like gold when the story’s told?
Some things will tarry, some will return to dust
There are things we can and things we cannot keep…

[Matt]

To give unselfishly, to love the least of these. Jesus, I’m learning how to live with open hands. All these treasures that I own will never satisfy my soul. Jesus, I lay them at Your throne with open hands… To finally let go of my plans, these earthly kingdoms built of sand. Jesus, at Your cross I stand with open hands.

God of grace, You took our place. You love us where we are. All the weak and broken sing, we love You, God of grace

Oh, Where is your heart? You say that you’re set apart. Well if you really love me, where is the difference? Oh, Where is the light? The hope that you’re hoarding inside. Well if you really love me, then where is the difference?

Today I learned…

Today I saw a bee stuck on its back on the ground. I helped it turn over and then it decided to sting me and fly away without so much as a thank you. I was slightly perturbed.

Then I drew a parallel. (I do that a lot)

God reaches His hand down to me daily as I’m flailing helplessly on my back and gently turns me over. But all too often I respond by doing just as the bee did. I’d encourage you to take a moment to evaluate how you have been the bee recently….

Btw, I’m still hoping the bee will come to its senses and at least have the courtesy to send me a thank you note. Probably shouldn’t cross my fingers on that one.

If we could just look outside ourselves for one minute…

In my own little world it hardly ever rains. I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe. I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet. In my own little world: Population me.

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church. I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give ’til it hurts. And I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see… It’s easy to do when it’s population me.

What if there’s a bigger picture? What if I’m missing out? What if there’s a greater purpose I could be living right now? Outside my own little world…

Stopped at a red light, looked out my window. Outside the car saw a sign, said “Help this homeless widow.” Just above this sign was the face of a human. I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”. So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye. Oh how many times have I just passed her by? I gave her some money, then I drove on through… and my own little world reached population two.

Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Give me open hands and open doors.

Put Your light in my eyes and let me see,

That my own little world is not about me.

[matthew west. my own little world.]

Heard this song on my way to work this morning. Convicting. Challenging. The cry of my heart.

Lord, teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, “Speak, for thy servant heareth.” Let me hear Thee speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of the earth die away and the only sound will be the music of Thy speaking Voice. [AW Tozer]

Living in Uganda with Boys

One of these things is not like the other…

So I think that I’d be doing the (female) world a disservice if I didn’t share my insights from living with 3 guys for about a month in a rural Ugandan village. I’m not feeling exceptionally creative so I’m just going to list some of my observations bullet point style:

Disclaimer: Scott, Matt, and Austin are three phenomenal guys, and though I may jest about things, I think the world of them and would travel back to Uganda with them tomorrow if I could.

>Boys will take a joke (which wasn’t that funny to begin with) and will beat it until it’s dead and lying in an unrecognizable heap on the ground. But somehow it just becomes more and more hilarious to them.

>Boys will talk about weapons and will carry weapons and will justify the aforementioned weapon-carrying all day long. There’s no use in trying to reason with them about it. Seriously, conserve your words.

>Boys gossip too. Don’t let them try to tell you otherwise. (Note: I do not say this in attempt to justify or excuse female gossip.)

>Boys like girls because they smell good and guys don’t. Except when they use Old Spice of which there are apparently 1007 variations. Speaking of, the Old Spice commercials are ridiculous (go ahead, youtube it).

>Boys like to get things done. If there are a few casualties along the way, so be it. On the other hand, I still maintain that many, many things wouldn’t get done if us girls weren’t around.

>Boys can talk about zombies for hours. I seriously think at least 14.5% of our conversational time was devoted to that topic. Apparently most guys have a detailed game plan of what they would do if their city was suddenly taken over by zombies. Because that’s practical and realistic. (Btw, I would definitely go to the top of the glowing green “skyscraper” in the center of downtown Raleigh. In part because it has a great vantage point of the surrounding area, but mostly because it looks like something out of a scene from Spiderman at night. My hope is that the zombies would be scared off by the apparent presence of the Green Goblin.)

>Boys can and will talk about their feelings. Just not the way most girls do, or nearly as often. And I personally am okay with that.

>Boys like their toys. Be it iPhones or motorbikes or fancy military backpacks that rival Mary Poppins’ handbag in terms of the amount of stuff you can fit in them.  It really does no good to criticize this infatuation, so I’ve found that being supportive while trying to help maintain their grounding in reality is the best approach.

>Boys are protective over girls (if they aren’t, they should be). Travel with them and you will be safe, will avoid getting ripped off, will have your bed net tucked in every night, will get the last piece of the coveted chocolate stash and the best part of the Clif bar, and will have the most comfortable (by far) sleeping arrangement on the plane ride.

>Girls… contrary to popular belief, boys don’t need us in order to function. They really can manage quite well on their own (except for the whole procreation thing). However, I do think they realize that they would much rather live with us than without us.

>Boys get that it’s hard to be a girl and they do not want to trade places with us even for a day.

>Boys are not looking for perfection. So, ladies, let’s please stop killing ourselves in the pursuit of it.

>Boys are not made of stone or steel. And they don’t have an unshakable confidence. They need encouragement, support, and compassion. And sometimes a whole lot of patience.

Today I learned…

Today (well, technically yesterday now) I learned that I just need to admit how directionally challenged I am. I took not one, not two, but three wrong turns on the way to work this morning. Yes, I was going the same exact route I’ve driven every other day this week. Yes, I thought I was ready to graduate from using my GPS. Clearly, I was mistaken. It may also have had something to do with the 4-5 hours of sleep a night I’ve been getting all too consistently as of late, but if I’m being honest that was only a small contributor. Regardless, operation earl(ier)y bedtime starts Sunday.

Today I learned that there is such beauty in the state of being undone. That’s a big lesson for just one day; in reality it’s a lesson I’ve been learning over the past few weeks/months. Even the aforementioned driving faux pas served as a small reminder that I am far from infallible and I struggle on my own. I’m getting closer to the point now where I’m able to sincerely thank God for those humbling reminders. Many of the reminders lately have been quite bigger than a few missed exits on the highway, but the more difficult and humbling the experience, the larger the opportunity for growth. God cannot be made greater in me until I am made less.

Heard this line in a song recently. She describes me all too well…

There’s just something in this amateur that thinks my opinion is what You need on how to work in me.

O God, You are all-wise and sovereign. Therefore we thank You for keeping in Your hands, not ours, the final determination of which paths are influential for Christ in our lives. We confess our sin and fallibility. We do not want to run the world. We want You to run it. We rejoice that our best efforts may yield modest fruit… and our most foolish choices may be made the means of great fruit. -John Piper, Life is a Vapor

Reflection on a reflection

I have a particular infatuation with the sky (not so much outer space, just the sky… is it illogical to separate the two?).

I love ‘God clouds’, you know the ones where rays of sun stream out from behind.

I love how close the stars seem when I’m in Uganda.

I love sunrises, much more than sunsets even though they paint with a more colorful palette… I think because going from dark to light is fabulously more appealing to me than the reverse.

I love the portentousness (yes, I once took an SAT prep class) of approaching storm clouds and the gray color the sky becomes just before it snows.

But most of all, I love the moon.

For lack of a more eloquent way to phrase it, the concept of the moon is just so cool. It’s like the Cinderella of the sky. If you think about it, what is it really but a large round rock floating around out there? To my knowledge it essentially has very little purpose (my mind is trying to recall something about the ocean tides… maybe some aspiring astronaut or weather forecaster out there can correct me if I’m wrong here). In fact, what it really does is reflect the sun. And it is transformed in doing so. Suddenly the cratered mass of rock and dust becomes an illustrious glowing sphere that literally lights up the night sky. It doesn’t have anything to do with the moon’s adequacy or qualifications. Like I said, it’s just a floating rock and is really kind of ugly and pointless on its own. But then comes the sun. It seeks out the moon and shines on it, allowing it to share in and reflect its glory. It distinguishes the moon from its surroundings. It bestows the moon with incredible beauty. It gives it purpose.

We are the moon, you know.

I’m giving my life to the only One who makes the moon reflect the sun. Every starry night, that was His design. I’m giving my life to the only Son who was and is and yet to come. Let the praises ring, He is everything. -Chris August (listen)

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being  transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes  from the Lord, who is the Spirit. [2 Cor 3:18]

today i trust you with the confidence of a man who’s never known to fear.

and you said i know that this will hurt. but if i don’t break your heart then things will just get worse. if the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

reach out to me. make my heart brand new. when it beats it beats for you.

-let it all out. rk. (no, not r. kelly– though i do plan on writing him the next time he’s in prison. i have a pretty decent track record with that as of late.)

My love-hate relationship with technology.

Today I literally arranged my schedule around technology. Very unlike me. I hated it.

It was quite comical really.

Lately it has been the saga of the dysfunctional phones in my family. Let me first note that I have been using an old phone for the past couple months because my other phone RIPed in June. So not only was I using my typical free-with-the-plan flip phone… this was the 2006 free-with-the-plan phone. Old school to the max, and it was great. It made calls, had all my contacts stored, and even had this cool texting app. However, it soon began to show signs of its old age and this past week has truly been on its last lifeline, choosing when it did or did not want to work (more often than not, the latter). Our new contract began yesterday so we could finally retire our phones (my sister’s was on its last leg as well), but since we ordered online they couldn’t be delivered until today. Sarah had spent the night with me at my new place in Raleigh, but we intentionally got up this morning and made the drive back home to Holly Springs so we could make sure someone would be there to sign for the package. Well, the FedEx guy must have been Charlie Chaplin or a silent monk in a previous life because neither Sarah or I heard him; needless to say we were less than thrilled to find the “We missed you” note on the door. We had failed miserably in our mission, our very purpose for staying home all day.

So then began the real adventure.

The note said we could pick up the package at the FedEx center after 5. Having already devoted an entire day to the %$#@ phone, (and with my current phone declining by the minute) I was determined to have the new phone in hand and working before nightfall. And so around 4:30 I headed off to the FedEx center in Raleigh. My GPS didn’t know where the heck it was and kept telling me to turn on nonexistent roads. I politely reminded her that I was not in the mood for a scavenger hunt and eventually found my way… arriving only to find that Chris L., the FedEx driver carrying our package, had been detained on his route and wouldn’t be arriving for another hour and a half. Of course.

Determined to do something productive with my day (aside from the canvas I painted– btw, do yourself a favor. if you have even the slightest artistic ability, invest in some acrylics and decent brushes.  your walls will be happy and you’ll never need to purchase an overpriced piece of art again.), I decided to go on a run at a ‘nearby’ park (GPS failed once again here and I had to resort to using my eyes/brain). Upon starting my run I discovered that my iPod was semi-frozen and would not stop playing this one song. So I listened to it on repeat for 50 minutes. Luckily it was a good one (Club Can’t Handle Me from Step Up 3). Yes, I know all the words now.

When it came time to return to FedEx, I, of course, needed to use the GPS to find my way. She was actually working accurately until her battery ran low and she proceeded to shout at me, “TURN RIGHT. TURN RIGHT. GO STRAIGHT. TURN LEFT. BEAR RIGHT. TURN RIGHT. ARRIVE AT DESTINATION.” Literally all in a row like that; and she kept repeating it. Not even her beautiful Australian accent could curb my disdain for her at the time. Meanwhile my dying phone was performing its swan song, buzzing at me with text messages/missed calls that I couldn’t view because the screen had once again gone black. It was at this point that I started writing this blog in my head (I’ve noticed I’ve been doing that lately, and I think it may be a problem) because things were getting a little ridiculous . I came up to a light and realized I was one car behind a FedEx truck. Praying that it was Chris L. (and yes, he’s slated to appear on the next Bachelorette), I followed the truck back to the shipping center. Because life is all about hurrying up just to wait, I waited. But PTL, the guy finally came back to the desk with the package.

Next on the schedule: visiting the Verizon store by my apartment to have my contacts transferred/phone activated. Being the semi-responsible person that I am, prior to leaving home I had checked to make sure the store closed at 8. But if you’ve stuck with me to this point, you should know what’s coming. I arrived at Verizon at 7:15 and apparently someone had decided to close up shop early. At that point I was really starting to feel like Alexander (yes, I realize I’m being slightly dramatic). Resigned that I had lost the battle for the day (but not the war!), I headed back to Cary to meet my dad and sister to hand over the other two phones in the package.

Then came the silver lining to the storm cloud. Oh, the glorious silver lining.

The Verizon store in Cary was still open and we rolled in about 15 minutes to close. They were awesome (props to Cassie) and stayed late to set everything up for us.

And so, I am (not sure if I’m) proud to announce that I have joined the 21st century and now own a ‘smart’ phone. This is a huge step for me. Do I know how to use it? Not in the slightest. But I’m getting some help with that tomorrow (thanks times a million, Dustin). I plan to write another post later with my reviews of the Droid; I figure if a high-tech-hater like me can learn to love it then it must be good.

I would like to close by noting the irony of blogging on my laptop about my hatred for technology while g-chatting with friends, watching a movie, enjoying the AC in my apartment, and listening to the latest Taylor Swift song on my iPod (which is now miraculously working just fine). So it’s a love-hate relationship…